“Never give 100% of yourself to someone you love!”

Screen Shot 2017-03-14 at 2.42.03 PM“Esther, you need to be a little meaner/a bitch. Men love bitches.”

“You do too much, you love with all of your heart. In the ends it leaves you hurt and empty.”

“You need to have higher standards and you also need to marry a man who loves you much more than you love him”

“the one who cares less, has more power”

I have heard a variation of these statement over the years; usually following a falling out with a guy or a love/crush that was unrequited.

I hate mind games. I love authentic interactions with men. I love being myself around guys I am interested in. I have however, reached a point where I think that some interactions require these temporary “tactics” or “mind games” that are deemed highly acceptable by the dating scene. I feel exhausted putting so much love, energy and effort into someone who doesn’t see my value/pushes me away, only to realize he is madly in love with me after the fact that I did my part and moved the hell on. There is a plethora of videos and books on the “how to ____ ” in regards to making a man want you more, making yourself seem a certain way when you are not etc. Some tactics are almost borderline manipulating, but branch off human psychology (we are pretty fucked up, y’all). I wish that it were ok for me to display my affections without the need pull away in order for him to notice my absence, or going completely cold turkey even though we both seem to get on very well. *slaps forehead*. Keeping a man’s (or woman’s) interest is a topic that that will stay relevant and will continue to be analyzed, put to the test, and made for profit. I do understand the inherent need for these tactics, but is there an ideal outcome where two people just can be their unapologetic selves?

It’s cool to be apathetic and nonchalant these days, displaying a side of yourself that cares too much or forgives too easily is a HUGE no-no in love and relationships it seems.

 

What are your thoughts?

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  1. April 2, 2017 / 8:34 am

    Esther, I feel you SO much on this! I hate the mind games and manipulation and facades that go into dating. I understand now that they are almost inevitable but as you said, I don’t have the energy to exhaust into the whole mess. So as much as I would like love, I find it much less stressful to not even entertain the idea of it anymore. I’m not recommending that for you or for anyone but God, its way less annoying lol!

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